Sep. 3rd, 2009

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For months I've been getting along on only 1 pair of pants. The other pair is just a bit too small, but I have to wear it sometimes anyway. Something else always has more priority over "blow all my energy going to buy a pair of pants"... So today I worked from bed, did not have to drive Moomin to camp, had pie and coffee with bad moms, Iz painted my nails as I had the coffee and I painted hers, then I booked out of there, got my prescriptions, and went next door to buy pants. 3 things in a row, i was super cocky... Anyway, I got perfectly fine jeans at old navy for $20. and socks for moomin, leggings for a. massively on sale, and a 3-pack of tank tops for myself.

then back to work. I cleared out all the lingering help desk things and consolidated a bunch of my worklog to make more sense. I twiddled with data for myself and for some other people. I poked into some other problems. How vague it sounds! Then I upgraded the db and modules to 5.16. I felt more confident doing the svn merging. At 2 our sys admin pinged me (having been too busy for days), I explained the db problem and we poked into that. My 3 possible things to do were not bad ideas. It took him a decently long time to think it all through and figure things out, so I also didn't feel lke it was some tiny thing I'd overlooked - it was hard. I wished I could see everything he did to figure out what he did, but I got the idea. Then felt happy with myself for writing a script to fix it instead of doing it by hand, even if it was horrible!php stapled together from bits of code I ripped off some php.net function list examples. (Worked, though.) Then I realized that it would need to be done again and differently (maybe) so it's a good thing I didn't do it by hand - that would have seriously sucked.

Meanwhile I also did laundry and dishes. It was certainly over 100 degrees. I took a lot of showers and wet mopped the floor and drank a ton of water. felt v. happy to have washer and dryer in the house, as always.

felt like hell. walked anyway. just slogged through! am i hurting it or helping? i can't tell! crazy! fighting in myself arguing whether it woudl be best to walk around some more or not, stretch more, will that hurt it worse? did i cause this? is this worse or better than it was yesterday, last week, a year ago, i just don't know and it doesn't make sense.

i cooked frozen dumplings and some fish sticks in the toaster oven and made smoothies for us, rook got home with moomin around 6 and then they went out again to rook's back to school night. I didn't go...
Zond-7 came down on the train... we gossiped...

I set up my computer to back up (another miracle achieved as i have been saying i must do it for months) and then I read Good as Lily which was fantastic - and two short stories, The Brides of Heaven by N.K. Jemisin and Brownman by C. Scavella Burrell, both excellent. I'm a little haunted by all 3 stories.

Rook has shown me his larp info and i had some commentary on the characters and where to find props... I wish there was more time. I barely saw moomin.

arranged more for saturday and friday night. rook will go to the con by himself fri and i have moomin. Sat. will be a bit hellish for me but I realy want to do it. we will bring Eliz, her 2 friends, moomin, maybe his friend, and Iz, to the con. i really want them all to have a fabulous geeky awesome experience and i especially feel for the 13 yr olds who are casting about for things to do and a little freedom from parental framing of their lives. i can do one day. sun/mon would be too much. it did not feel like enough to bring E. again and i wanted her to have friends with her. success, 2 of them are coming.

i felt like instead of carefully rationing out things over the day I had this weird full day of activity. But i want to write, and think, and instead I'm in massive pain so much I just want to thrash around or cry or yell, I had some celebrex and a beer which helped, I keep telling myself, i've done enough, i've done all these things, I have to stop now... the day is over!

more things done in today than in forever! whew! like, any one of those things would have been enough!

I can't convey to anyone how both proud and humiliated I feel over finally getting it together to go buy pants and do another errand. it's been a while since i've even been in a store other than the whole foods maybe once a month. I buy everything off amazon that I might have otherwise gone out to shop for, if i can, because it's easiest. it's crucial to me now.

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