Meltdown!
I wonder how many blog posts I have written in the last 10 years that have "meltdown" in the title?
Yesterday ran on fumes WAY too long and today i moved around slowly all morning alternately doing small bits of housework and lying down to read or play Glitch. I finished reading The Children Star (which is awesome!) and then started re-reading Sister Outsider, skipping around in there. Moomin and A. played jelly car and minecraft and also read. I finished penciling my Noisebridge coloring book page of the wheelchair robot MC Hawking (and have it dreaming of becoming Dorabot, which it now is! -- because i drew the main pic months ago and the robot has mutated -- so I put MC's dream thought balloon and then drew part of Dorabot's new robot arm.)
So, i was still in a lot of pain and exhaustion & shoud not have gone out but i determined to do it very stubbornly mostly since the weather was gorgeous. So i went to NB and tried to be helpful for circuit hacking day early with kids but actually could not handle it. in a cycle of increasingly intense pain and denial. BAD BAD BAD and feeling very unable to be competent and kick ass and awesome and fun as a teacher or helper. UGH. So, that is what happens when I try to do too much two days in a row. Duh. Did not attempt dinner out, could not have yatima nad family over for dinner in, realized i needed to cancel on sumana later in evening. sadly.
then i realized i emergency-needed to get home quick as possible so i could cry in privacy. Managed it! But was yelled at by a bus driver and a lady trying to go up her front stairs with her bike dropped the bike on my shoulder and i told her she was fucking thoughtless and rude and lost my temper a bit. HOME to pain meds and bed and a really intense cry. d. very reassuring. he also had a stressful exhausted day. But we did fine with the day really. 30 min into two vicodins I was able to cope long enough for : feed kids, set them doing homework, interact in a decently parental way, pay attention again, and put A to bed (Rook picked up Moomin at 9.) Moomin wrote out his math vocabulary and A. drew trapezoids and acute/obtuse angles, and wrote sentences with proper punctuation on. i think she will settle well into the increased homework and feel pride in doing it. Moomin is very into reading all of the Pathfinder rpg book which he played in a giant 60 person game last weekend.
tomorrow i get up super early and am going to ucsf to meet my friend who is having outpatient surgery. she needs someone there to hold a hand or two and sign as the Official pickup person (i will see her into a cab to oakland)
Then the rest of the week I will hide in my cave, do small drawing and writing projects, swim, do my PT exercises, and take naps a lot. I will fix another wordpress bug. I will write book outlines and proposals to see if i think there are any feasible projects. i declare it a week of contemplation of direction and of reframing my pace and my expectations of myself. The naps will be crucial.
Yesterday ran on fumes WAY too long and today i moved around slowly all morning alternately doing small bits of housework and lying down to read or play Glitch. I finished reading The Children Star (which is awesome!) and then started re-reading Sister Outsider, skipping around in there. Moomin and A. played jelly car and minecraft and also read. I finished penciling my Noisebridge coloring book page of the wheelchair robot MC Hawking (and have it dreaming of becoming Dorabot, which it now is! -- because i drew the main pic months ago and the robot has mutated -- so I put MC's dream thought balloon and then drew part of Dorabot's new robot arm.)
So, i was still in a lot of pain and exhaustion & shoud not have gone out but i determined to do it very stubbornly mostly since the weather was gorgeous. So i went to NB and tried to be helpful for circuit hacking day early with kids but actually could not handle it. in a cycle of increasingly intense pain and denial. BAD BAD BAD and feeling very unable to be competent and kick ass and awesome and fun as a teacher or helper. UGH. So, that is what happens when I try to do too much two days in a row. Duh. Did not attempt dinner out, could not have yatima nad family over for dinner in, realized i needed to cancel on sumana later in evening. sadly.
then i realized i emergency-needed to get home quick as possible so i could cry in privacy. Managed it! But was yelled at by a bus driver and a lady trying to go up her front stairs with her bike dropped the bike on my shoulder and i told her she was fucking thoughtless and rude and lost my temper a bit. HOME to pain meds and bed and a really intense cry. d. very reassuring. he also had a stressful exhausted day. But we did fine with the day really. 30 min into two vicodins I was able to cope long enough for : feed kids, set them doing homework, interact in a decently parental way, pay attention again, and put A to bed (Rook picked up Moomin at 9.) Moomin wrote out his math vocabulary and A. drew trapezoids and acute/obtuse angles, and wrote sentences with proper punctuation on. i think she will settle well into the increased homework and feel pride in doing it. Moomin is very into reading all of the Pathfinder rpg book which he played in a giant 60 person game last weekend.
tomorrow i get up super early and am going to ucsf to meet my friend who is having outpatient surgery. she needs someone there to hold a hand or two and sign as the Official pickup person (i will see her into a cab to oakland)
Then the rest of the week I will hide in my cave, do small drawing and writing projects, swim, do my PT exercises, and take naps a lot. I will fix another wordpress bug. I will write book outlines and proposals to see if i think there are any feasible projects. i declare it a week of contemplation of direction and of reframing my pace and my expectations of myself. The naps will be crucial.