May. 6th, 2015

badgerbag: (Default)
Talked last night about everything with zond7 and felt much better. I felt a bit hallucinatory from relief appreciating the normalcy of everything and the fact that my life is nice and under my own control. But then flashes of this other feeling would come into my head very intensely like absolute shame and despair and horror and I would for a few seconds feel like i wish I didn't exist. That is a very unusual feeling for me and I have perspective on it. This morning I feel a bit wrung-out. I took a full ativan last night and slept very well.

Onward to work and then the bus and PT. I may cry during PT. Pain levels still high and I feel emotionally raw.

I don't like the idea feeling as I do right now that I have to be practically naked in a group of people. Or even go be on the bus on my scooter. But there it is, it's a swimming pool and it's across town. Armor up!

June 2017

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