Jul. 11th, 2015

badgerbag: (Default)
Well as I suspected 900mg of gabapentin made me very groggy. Sleep was strange & hallucinatory.
I took 600mg this morning and was able to get up and get coffee and bread and eat it in bed.
Appreciating that I can manage that.
Head very swimmy and dizzy. I am just going to lie here.

I thought that the coffee this morning and not taking 900 mg quite yet would mean I have some more lucidity as a treat. Then at noon I will take 900mg and who knows how that will go. I will lie here like a sort of cosily beached flannel coated manatee, gently hallucinating in and out of dreams.

One thing that comforts me a lot in this state is to have a nicely arranged bedside table.
I have flowers on it, my touch lamp torchiere (pointing up) which i really love being able to adjust to 3 levels of light, shea butter, coffee/tea mug, a giant chunk of green glass, my crystal cube holographic print of the entire universe, and my wooden letter rack that holdes all my devices sideways for recharging. It holds my 11 inch Macbook Air, a kindle, an external hard drive, my phone, and an external battery and sometimes also Danny's mini iPad. That's a lot of devices in a very neat, compact space!

Two big power strips are hung on the side of the nightstand. Over the power strips in the space between the bed and the nightstand, I now have a thing I bought off Amazon, called an "Urban Shelf", an idea for a thing covering this space which I have tried to construct from junk several times and failed to implement. the Urban Shelf works very decently. Its slots for power cords have been helpful and now my million tangly cords are less in the way. Right now the urban shelf holds a kleenex box but it has also been good for my entire laptop, plates, etc.

I like being able to look over at the nicely arranged nightstand at the flowers and polished wooden surface. I polish it with lotion or oil. I like to turn on the lamp which glows gently through its own glass, the red glass of my bud vase and the green and universe glass. Past the flowers on the side of the narrow bookshelf I can see my little trading card that has Oracle on it at her computer. Secretly corny shrine to Oracle..... Maybe I will get an Instapainting oil on canvas version of Oracle surrounded by screens in her wheelchair. I find it so heartening - I can't experess how it chirks me up to connect anything about my situation with a badass superhero mastermind.

Inside the nightstand drawer I have many conveniences like earplugs, nail clippers, lidocaine cream and other lotions, usb sticks, clips, headphones, lip balm, bookmarks, hair ties, toothpicks, some medicine, pens, scissors, asthma inhaler. I would be so lost without this magic drawer full of junk! The cubby below the drawer in theory should have a selection of good books but right now it needs to be cleaned out since it's so stuffed full of books you can't really get use out of it.

Maybe if I have a limber and non dizzy moment I'll clean out that cubby and stock it with only a few books good for bedside comfort, a drawing pad, crossword puzzle book, and maybe a couple of "to read" books lined up (instead of an enormous jumble).

Of other things to appreciate about my situation, once again the steroid burst means that I have almost ZERO allergies. This never happens except while traveling to new places or when I'm on steroids and for a few weeks after the steroid burst. It's a small luxury to have my sinuses feel so light and not swollen and to not have to blow my nose all the time. Yesterday I sat on the front porch and pinched leaves off my plants and did not get a giant sneeze attack or have to take actifed or benadryl.

I miss work a lot. For a few days earlier in the week I was reading and responding to urgent email. Right now I feel too drugged, stunned and distracted by pain, and messed up in general. I am exhausted.

One bad thing which I will complain about, besides the skin pain and "shocks" and burning and allodynia, is that my left side feels wrong and strange. The muscles don't work right along with the deep ache, and they spasm. I think that is maybe straining my other back muscles on that side. Sitting upright and walking and bending over feels hard and wrong. What if it stays that way.... If it does I will adapt. My ribs hurt and my guts in that stripe on the left around front and back, feel all wrong. The muscles in my low back just underneath are very sore and messed up. It is probably temporary as part of the shingles inflammation or infection of the nerve.

From looking at charts I think it may be T8 or T9. Hard to tell... Just below or at the edge of my ribs. To me, it seems wider than just one stripe, because it goes from my lower rib to my navel. Maybe it's T9. Interesting to look at the nerve/dermatome charts, anyway!
badgerbag: (Default)
Every time someone "friends" me like on FB or flickr I see if we have mutual friends and then I have to check if they are a wheelchair/disability fetishist. It can be hard to tell at first if they talk a lot or repost things on disability pride. But you can tell if you poke around. Someone will be friends with 40 people I'm already friends with and they're all disabled, and then I realize it's a fetishist.

Whyyyyy are people so gross.

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