Sep. 11th, 2015

badgerbag: (Default)
Intense dreams continue. In my dream last night, I was one of three people left alive in the world. Danny was another one and I don't know who the third was. Plus, Dyson the cat. We were incredibly sad. I was hoping to die peacefully in my sleep. In the dream, I kept falling gently asleep expecting it to be the last time, if I were lucky. Then I'd wake up again into despair. At one point I agonized about whether to set out a bag of cat food or not. Would it be worse to prolong her death? (I think all the other animals were also dead.)

Woke up feeling somewhat traumatized from having hoped to die so many times in a row. Awful!
badgerbag: (Default)
I am feeling pretty good! Walking around the house well, and not taking any painkillers since Sunday. My ankles are a little sore and so are my knees but I'm not crushed by pain. This is very exciting!

I drove to excelsior to get the car smog checked, all was well, got a wiper blade and fluid replaced. The auto shop was amazing, full of jumbled things, old boxes, filing and office supplies from the 50s, yellowing pieces of paper taped to the wall in layers. I wanted to clean it up so badly. If I needed a job, that would be a very, very easy job to get, the sort where you just persuade them to take you on for a few days and make a dent in the chaos. The thing that made it beautiful and tempting was: to do that job right you would have to observe carefully and see what the people working there do and what they need! And deduce everything like a detective despite not understanding exactly what they were doing. (Just like my actual job, but with physical stuff.) There was even a rather nice storefront and former waiting room buried in junk and boxes. I imagined maybe it was an old guy or a couple who ran it formerly, and then the young people didn't know how to maintain those aspects of the business once they got too old to work or once they died (I would put that disjuncture at about 15 years ago with the insta-archeology mustered up while waiting.) While the smog checking happened I was sitting perched on a stack of boxes, examining all the pegboard and homemade tire racks & stuff rigged up. (Also done some time ago and not maintained well.) In the officey bit behind the trashed waiting room where I perched again and waited to pay, there were handmade bookshelves full of rows & rows of old binders! Boxes of what were probably business cards....

It was enticingly like Noisebridge in some ways.

I had lunch in an italian deli, also excellent. So many people came in and out and were regulars and knew the shop people and each other. Many seemed to work in shops nearby and were getting lunch for their co-workers. I got the things i like to get in an italian market like imported strong provolone, some torrone candies (I can't eat them anymore b/c almonds, but the kids can, and I love the boxes so) and things like that. An old old lady came in and looked at the candy rack and she reminded me of my great-grandma. We smiled nicely at each other as she was doing the very slow saunter out. Had my sandwich, then went across the street to a fabulous cafe (only fabulous for space, not food, but the hot chocolate was excellent and carefully made) People in this cafe were also lovely. Many people came by the parklet outside, neighborly people.... The art was giant canvasses with used lottery tickets pasted on in grids. One would have been boring but a room lined with them was impressive.

The murals around the neighborhood were good too. I spent the afternoon working from that cafe looking out over the Royal Bread Company mural which was a giant last supper where the food was all baguettes, on an ornate building.

Driving back I felt a surge of hope and freedom, power too, and enjoyment of the day and of driving. I would like so much to go on a long road trip and drive across the country. Slowly. How nice that would be!

Only 5 or 10 minutes away (and a very easy bus ride too)

Surge of love for the city and living here!

April 2017

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