Obvious anxiety dream is obvious
Jan. 8th, 2012 09:54 am![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badgerbagI woke up early this morning from a long nightmare. I was commissioned to make a sort of newspaper-zine for a little girl, about her huge birthday party, to make her happy. It was particularly important not to disappoint her; she was going to die of cancer and she really looked up to me and wanted this zine to be amazingly cool. I kept writing bits of it and laying them out but the layout would screw up.
Then everything morphed to a scenario where I was in high school and realized I had not gotten my proper schedule so had been missing classes for weeks. I had a lot of journals and sketchbooks which I carried around with me (actually this was often true in my high school days as I couldn't hide them well enough from my mom.) I found out that I had dropped or lost some of them, and a teacher in a literature class had xeroxed all of them and passed them out to the students. I showed up at the class, extremely upset, and stood up to yell at them all about how this was incredibly unethical and rude, they were my private journals and zines, and mostly unfinished work, and the teacher had to know they were a student's -- in fact some of the pages had my name on them and it was obvious even so that they were by me.
The next day I came to that class again to see the students' responses, which were put together in another xeroxed and stapled zine-like thing along with the work they were responding too. All sorts of embarrassing things were in there including a lot of entries from my sister's notebooks all mixed in with mine! I couldn't help but be fascinated to see what people said about it all even though it made my stomach hurt and I wanted to scream and throw up. In fact I stood up and delivered another classic (always what-I-do-in-my-dreams) harangue. It was a powerful speech as I pointed out the ethics of the situation again, and said that while I was extremely uncomfortable, I was glad to come sit there just so that they would also experience the discomfort of commenting on my (unethically obtained) work right in front of me and that if I was going to be this embarrassed then fuck it, they were too.
I will now, in real life, go and do those final edits on my book. The next week or two will be a lot of back and forth about that.
Could my anxiety dreams be any more amazingly transparent? I always love them for that quality and think it's funny! I also really laugh hard when I wake up from yet another dream in which I deal with a bad situation by standing up to address the multitudes and enthrall them with my eloquent speech.
Then everything morphed to a scenario where I was in high school and realized I had not gotten my proper schedule so had been missing classes for weeks. I had a lot of journals and sketchbooks which I carried around with me (actually this was often true in my high school days as I couldn't hide them well enough from my mom.) I found out that I had dropped or lost some of them, and a teacher in a literature class had xeroxed all of them and passed them out to the students. I showed up at the class, extremely upset, and stood up to yell at them all about how this was incredibly unethical and rude, they were my private journals and zines, and mostly unfinished work, and the teacher had to know they were a student's -- in fact some of the pages had my name on them and it was obvious even so that they were by me.
The next day I came to that class again to see the students' responses, which were put together in another xeroxed and stapled zine-like thing along with the work they were responding too. All sorts of embarrassing things were in there including a lot of entries from my sister's notebooks all mixed in with mine! I couldn't help but be fascinated to see what people said about it all even though it made my stomach hurt and I wanted to scream and throw up. In fact I stood up and delivered another classic (always what-I-do-in-my-dreams) harangue. It was a powerful speech as I pointed out the ethics of the situation again, and said that while I was extremely uncomfortable, I was glad to come sit there just so that they would also experience the discomfort of commenting on my (unethically obtained) work right in front of me and that if I was going to be this embarrassed then fuck it, they were too.
I will now, in real life, go and do those final edits on my book. The next week or two will be a lot of back and forth about that.
Could my anxiety dreams be any more amazingly transparent? I always love them for that quality and think it's funny! I also really laugh hard when I wake up from yet another dream in which I deal with a bad situation by standing up to address the multitudes and enthrall them with my eloquent speech.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-09 05:44 am (UTC)