badgerbag: (Default)
[personal profile] badgerbag
Today I worked from about 7:30am to noon-thirty and hit the "build" button for beta 9, then went out for the afternoon with Moomin.

My dad left for the airport in the 15 minutes I had in between early morning meetings. He is a soothing visitor but sometimes his detachment spooks me. It is genuine on one level but on another seems a thin veneer over an inability to cope with life. I respect it as a philosophical choice. He has perspective. I felt specially proud of Moomin like i wanted to present him with my nice child who he could perfectly appreciate. We had funny moments like all spinning off wildly into the etymology of having "stoke". He is also a relief to be around in this way where explaining something meticulous and complicated to him seems very easy because he likes the details and remembers them oddly well, while leaping quickly to a big picture, a person capable of fast synthesis.

Me & Moomin's afternoon out - we took the J to the ferry building, had lunch, then walked up the embarcardero to the Exploratorium, detouring a lot for the free public access routes that had historical plaques. We read many but not all of them and once again I appreciated his love of reading all the signs and studying complicated charts and maps. In the Exploratorium at one point I had to drag him away from this one ecological balance game sort of thing with grain, mice, and eagles as he had started running through every combination. We also spent a lot of time both staring at and fiddling with things like sand tables with wind erosion and this thing called the Drip Chamber for its complexity and beauty. really nice time together. I wish I had more stamina. But, we bought a membership and vowed to go back. It is the first time I'd been to it in the new location! (going there has seemed very daunting and like a major expedition most days, so I don't) There were good places to chill out and rest. Rocking chairs and big benches in quiet corners, and places to go outside to get away from the noise. So I feel braver to go back there now.

I like how Moomin is mostly in a sort of fog of his own creation but when he notices things he really gets into them. OH also he finished Orphan's Tales and loved it greatly. I printed out my plot summary and nested stories outline (thanks internet archive!)

On the way back we had ice cream, looked at the booths of people selling things (which I had built up how great the paintings of the gg bridge with cats, were) and as we finally got to that table, he said loudly without thinking, "But the thing is, these paintings aren't really that good". I don't think the painting lady heard it as she was over at another booth but the person she was sitting with heard it. The thing is I would have laid 10 bucks on the bet he woudl say exactly that so I was kind of waiting for it. Heheheh, sorry.... It was funny...... Then there was a booth that was a ZINE STORE. Yes. Best thing ever. with a tiny zine dispensing machine that took quarters. WOW. We ran into my friend Ian in the subway station which also made me happy! Then we played ingress all the way home (interludes in the tunnel part for Threes and Hoplite).

I told Moomin some of the story of how this guy I vaguely knew had maybe died a couple years ago and his sister contacted me and how I felt like a heel but had to check to make sure a) he really had a sister b) he was really dead and it wasn't just him pretending to be his own sister and pretending to be dead c) what had actually happened because I had no idea at this point, but luckily could reconstruct it from email. He had asked if I could sell his domain name (as he was rapidly dying of cancer) and give the money to his pregnant friend in another state, or, if no one would buy it, give it to some woman who loves tech who is "like me or Isis a woman who has fire, and loves tech" (how flattering, kind of, though me and Isis A. L. are nothing alike, I don't think). (Also, "I liked your fire" is so funny, though I often think something like that of other people and am fond of them secretly). ("We met on the train to MakerFaire in 2012" didn't narrow it down for me) Then I didn't hear anything else and I don't think I followed up, though I have a half memory that I did hear somehow that he had died. (Keep in mind I barely knew who he was; a mutual acquaintance also a do-gooding sort of person and the other older woman at NB who had her shit together had called me in to possibly help get hospice or some sort of food or help to this guy my age who was dying alone of late stage cancer in an SRO, but it turned out he didn't want that)

Anyway after my couple of hours of guilty "investigation" (it took that long as neither of them had much internet presence): yes he did exist under that name, did have an obvious twin sister, I could not confirm his death but it may just be that the last few years are not yet all in the social security death index) His family seems to have been a bit turbulent. Anyway, the sister then wrote me back. sister a bit sappy (I am not an "angel"). But I imagined she might like to have some kind words about her brother. Oh I left out the key bit which is that his last communication with the world before dying (which his sister described as suicide) was to thank me on Twitter. That's why his sister wrote me :( So I feel like a heel for never having done anything like what he wished I would or was thanking me for. I could say he thanked me for considering what he wanted seriously and for apologizing and backing off when he didn't want any "help" while dying. He didn't contact me to give me the details of his domain info probably because he was sick or dead. I guess. Well, my other excuse to myself or (imaginarily) to dead guy or his pregnant friend is that I have certainly done plenty to help other women in the meantime whether they "like technology" or not so I hope that suffices. I have the friend's snail mail address from 3 years ago but she has changed her name in the meantime and it is a common name. I think sending a notecard to a strange lady who possibly has a toddler and a husband, or an ex husband, or a new husband explaining this story would not necessarily go well; I imagine her jealous husband being pissed off about the dead guy. The only thing i know about her is he wanted her to have more money for the baby and her husband was in the Navy and overseas. Hrmmmm. Did I mention, I *didn't know this guy* really... just in passing and I would not have recognized him (white guy, thin, dark hair, a bit ferrety? linux? that's like, the description of 50 lookalike dudes at that space). He also liked the idea of gender equality, social justice, and linux. RIP linux guy with the sweet sister.

Got home, had leftovers for dinner, laid in bed with the cat. Realized my "start the build" button hadn't worked? what. very sad. entire afternoon's legitimate hooky playing a little bit ruined. I hope i didn't mess things up for everyone. I was so happy that i finished a thing early for once. how did i do this?! how!

then talked on the phone (scheduled) with this guy named Z. about accessibility things and maybe opened my mouth too far. he was shocked i am old enough to have teenage son. I didn't tell him my age. i shot my mouth off about the upcoming conference. but, i will pass on his new company info to people. he may have gotten the idea I am a dangerous loose cannon. accurate.

Somehow looking something up about my first miscarriage tonight (why??? something I saw on facebook?) I read through some bits of old blog and thought I was a more entertaining and honest writer then.

Date: 2016-04-11 04:37 pm (UTC)
brainwane: The last page of the zine (zine)
From: [personal profile] brainwane
I'm turning this over in my head and thinking about how I respond to being told that I am unusual on various axes (usually in complimentary ways)... there's a part of it which is a kind of humility, like, there are 8 billion people on earth, I think it's unlikely that I'm really so far up there on kindness.

Date: 2016-04-10 05:22 am (UTC)
wrdnrd: (T!  Typewriter!!  Z!  Zine!!!)
From: [personal profile] wrdnrd
Awwww, you got to stop by The Grand Newsstand! I'm so jealous. I tried to visit when we were in San Francisco during FOGcon back in March, but it was too drizzly and she was closed.

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