badgerbag

Apple rhubarb crumble

2013-05-19T01:48:26Z

I made a up nice recipe! It is green apple rhubarb crumble and is gluten free.

- crumble stuff is brown sugar, butter, oats, tapioca flour, coconut flour
- 4 green apples, maybe 8 stalks rhubarb, brown sugar, tapioca flour, cinnamon, ginger, honey

I sauteed the rhubarb for a few minutes to see if it was very juicy, but it wasn't. Threw a spoonful of honey in there and about as much ginger as my thumb. Then mixed it with the apples and sprinkled some sugar, cinnamon, and tapioca flour on it all figuring that would thicken the juicy inside.

Mash the brown sugar into the butter, then mix in the oats and various kinds of flour.

I cooked it maybe 40 minutes at 375. It is perfect! The ginger really makes it. If I could have found the cardamom I would have put a pinch into the apple/rhubarb filling. This much stuff filled a 9 inch square glass pan.

Gluten free stuff is for Zond7 who is trying this out and seems to be doing better on it. Hard to stick to. Next I will try making gf cornbread again and then gf mac and cheese with brown rice pasta.

Day of domesticity and naps - I put up a lot of hooks and brackets and did a lot of laundry. A. continues excitedly doing things to create a Paradise for Birds. At 7am she was up asking me for "chores -- chores that might be like watering the garden or filling the bird feeders." OK! Chores! 7am! hop to it, kid! Over the course of the day she helped me drill holes, screw screws, and oil the patio benches with teak oil.

She duct taped a yogurt container up on top of the highest fence for crows. Her rambly singing has switched between lullabies and fake crow calls all day. Moomin did some homework (but has WAY MORE) everyone but me played a board game called zooloretto and A.'s friend from school came over.

Zond7 slept off his jet lag. I also did some worky things over the day when I was resting my ankles and not asleep. We're hoping to see the star trek movie tomorrow!

So lovely to have more energy, be able to walk around today, etc. and use my hands so much for things like drilling, screwdrivers, laundry, and carrying things. It may not feel very good tomorrow. And yet Enbrel <3 <3 <3 <3

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A story of loud public disinhibition

2013-05-17T05:35:35Z

Just realized this evening my sinuses really are going haywire. This maybe explains why I feel so generally rotten, and my head hurts, and I spent a day dizzy and sick. Maybe it's just that I actually am sick. Well, whatever.

Not a bad day. Though very long and I cried on the way home from the pain clinic. Before my appointment I went to the fabulous House of Paincakes (not really called that) and had a totally delicious hummus/falafel/tabouleh/dolmas plate with toasted pita bread. it is all very fresh and homemade and was 8 bucks for the lot. Yeah! Worked from the cafe, then oozed over to the Pain Rooms.

The waiting room smelled unbelievable like someone had just crop-dusted with farts, or a disco fog machine but with old armpits, farts, yawns, and gym sock mold. Really, what was wrong with that place! Along with the other people trapped there I delighted in a 2 year old who was being entertained by a nice lady with an iphone. Fish! Dora! Bubbles! Etc. Then they looked at a highlights magazine together while the father beamed proud & nervous that maybe the kid was going to start annoying the nice strange lady. Then a new lady came in and went "Huh! This place smells like MUSKY BALLS!" (2 year old: "Ball? Ball? Catch? Bounce? Ball? Bounce? Dora?) I could not believe I had just heard this out loud. Whose balls has this woman been smelling, anyway? Gross! Did she really say it? Was there something else she could have said that I mistook for "musky balls?" Should I ask her? Was I smirking? Hahahah! Holy wow!

The rest of the people left over the next few minutes for their appointments or as their partners came out of the PAIN ROOMS inside the super secure drugs-inside-here door. It was just me and Ms. Muskballer. She mentioned the weather. I agreed that it had been foggy and cold, but was getting nicer outside. We agreed the sun is awesome. She told me how she loves to go in her back yard and sunbathe. Me too!

"And I sprawl out. I don't care, maybe someone way up there (gestures towards imaginary 3rd floor window) can see me but I just don't care, I'm all in my altogether out there in the sunny morning now that I'm in Union City instead of Alameda where the fog would just get at me." "Oh, me too, morning fog, goes right into my bones." "So I sprawl out like THIS" (demonstration of Sun Worshiping Wide Open Beaver yoga pose, arms up)

Hahahha! No one can see me in the yard either except maybe from way up! So I just, you know, get a little sun in there too! (We both crack up as I mime coyly lifting up my shirt).

"Well I just love the sun. I go down to the Caribbean 3 times a year just to get my sun but now I get it in my own back yard. You know, it's close in here. "

"Yeah it's not very..."

"It smells like MUSKY BALLS in here. It's not right." This time I know I heard it! GLORY TO THE BALLS LADY. It is the best time I have ever had in a waiting room especially one that stinky. I went over to the door and wedged a trash can in it to get more air in. We then discussed how much sun was optimal on the skin and whether we used sun screen (only sometimes). Then the doctor came out.

The new resident or guy on rotation was very nice, though, he did the horrible rotating-outwards thign that hurts like fury to test me, and my blood pressure was unusually high. (still high normal) Maybe I will stop eating butter and go back to olive oil and vinegar for my toast. Rotation guy suggested I try the old compound ketamine cream on my ankles. Dr. Major General was awesome as always but impressed me extra with a special, gentle, two handed flat palmed handshake that had NO SQUEEZING. Genius of the pain clinic! My next injection is at the end of June.

Bus ride hard and crowded and jolty. I was a bit teary-eyed. Finally home. yarnivore was here with A. who came home early (there was a plan , with a friend, but it fell through) Baby birds discovered in the birdhouse in the backyard! A. declared she would make the yard a paradise for birds! We could hear them peeping in there and see nest material but the birds seemed to be huddled up against the front just out of site. Birdseed scattered! expedition to the park to get sticks and dead leaves so that bugs would live there and the birds could eat them! Beans and flowers planted! (this all happened while i laid on the couch.) Yarnivore and i laid about talking about arthritis. We ate bean soup. Hours later A. broke the news there are no birds. The peeping noise was the wood of the birdhouse rubbing against the fence! Chagrin.... "But we will make it an awesome bird paradise anyway because the birds put nesting stuff in there so they will come back!"

Video chatted with Zond7 in Norway. He is stuck there an extra day but on his way home now! Hurrah!!!!!

Going tomorrow to see A. play the flute for the school concert.

OK, taking some more sinus meds and then to sleep.

Oh wait. Stranger in Olondria was very good! I loved it! I knew I would from the excerpt booklet from last year's WisCon. Dreamy and lovely....and all the quotations and literary allusions from the narrator! I didn't want it to end. I'll read anything Sofia Samatar writes!

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dizzy lizzie

2013-05-15T22:12:12Z

Feeling dizzy and nauseated. Maybe I am getting sick and it isn't all about swimming the other day? Or, it could be related to having taken NSAIDS. Loss of appetite also. I am eating anyway but minimally. At least I managed to work today.

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Swimming good intentions

2013-05-15T03:34:15Z

Swam today. Fucked up my ankles. Fingers crossed I don't go back into the space boots.

What should I read before WisCon? I need some escapism, quick.

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rainbow!

2013-05-11T03:47:19Z

yarnivore drove us to rainbow grocery, where we had an epic, dawdling, overwhelmed shop. I have a spaghetti jar and 3 kinds of bulk bath salts, bulk brown rice, a flat of coconut water, a new bamboo cutting board, a peeler, AND SUNDRY.

I could not see up to the signs that tell you where things are. Need new glasses for sure.

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So many friends so little oomph

2013-05-09T16:44:10Z

So many people dropping by these last few weeks! I am really enjoying it. It is lovely to make tea for everyone and sit around gossiping and working on stuff. I also like feeding people. Got a bonus check and celebrated with mildly luxurious groceries like honey "hand harvested in small batches in the Mission". Bwahahahaha!

I have a plot to make decadent mac and cheese in the slow cooker very soon!

I am physically at my limits and also sort of emotionally, pushing to the edge of what I can handle. Pulling back in a just a tiny bit as I can't afford to mess up my physical ability right at the moment , but I still intend to drive out today for an errand if I possibly can. Though there is no rush. Might be tomorrow. I'd like to see if I can drive to either REI (to return the snow boots which turned out to be unnecessary) or Rainbow (to get bath things and brown rice in bulk) I can handle REI in my manual chair. At Rainbow I could borrow their store scooter. It is not very far to drive if I do it when traffic is low in the middle of the day.

Enjoying domesticity. I have a new system for the countertop, with 2 tins for the coffee which I got and used and now am refilling with much nicer quality coffee.

Other small goals are to get some pictures framed and to obtain more large flowerpots.

Going to type to dictation for my friend Zach on some ideas he has and I need to write up some Hive things.

I am so happy that I'm sstill capable of gardening but as I found this morning it is unwise to try doing things like repotting even a small plant it in the cold or fog. My fingers hurt.

My neck is getting better but still iffy. Asking the massage person to shove in deeper rather than just go gently was a big mistake (i say even 2 weeks later) and then trying to "stretch" it rather than just letting it be another mistake. Ice and staying still were good. The pain and the twitch are still there, but much calmer. It gets worse if I nod a lot while listening or turn my head to the left or lie on my left side.

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Back patio woolgathering and lollygagging, or not

2013-05-03T18:25:01Z

Same dealie as last week! Come on over any time, 11am-ish onwards, and I will be loafing, puttering, pastry-eating, gossiping, coffee-drinking. Perhaps some toenail-painting, knitting, bestickering, world domination plans, and light gardening. Bring food if you like - it is quite popular.

D. will be at the hackathon at Noisebridge so if you want to HACK AND REMIX, go to the against-the-Transpacific Partnership hackathon, which has the BEST LOGO, and DO THINGS. They will be doing things in cahoots with several other hackspaces, including ones in Peru and Mexico!

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Come over!

2013-04-26T19:36:20Z

The last few weekends it's been super nice out and we all end up hanging out on the back patio of our little shack. Very relaxing! And it is nice to have visitors. This is in keeping with my Secret Master Plan of being more social without burning out or exhausting myself. Also, I love to play host though am a bit half-assed about it.

So come over, there will be a bunch of people dropping by this weekend, and i might make this a regular thing. There will be nice coffee, tea, abundant pastries from the guatemalan bakery, and hanging out with computers and books and crafty things, in the half sunny half shady back yard. WHICH HAS TWO AWESOME NEW BENCHES. Obviously (??) bring you r laptop. There may be a little book swapping action as well if you have anything to bring. I certainly have books to give away... Also there are nasturtium seedlings and probably succulent cuttings if you want some. There will almost certainly be children playing Minecraft.

rsvp! 11am onwards.

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O tramadol, my tramadol! (redux)

2013-04-26T19:32:20Z

Much better today! Woke up at 6:30, took a half a tramadol, and continue to nibble on halves. Much much better this way. It is not perfect and I don't want to walk around, but it is not like I want to curl up unmoving and be unconscious, either. And the scrip refills today too.

I have worked like a fiend on worky things and feel all on top of everything. Am almost caught up on my Postponed Tasks. Went over my Q2 april goals and I am actually fine for those too. I have never had such clearly outlined goals or Things to Do or such a good organization for to-do lists before in my life. (well, a bit for my thesis, that's when i really kicked into gear.) It is certainly helpful.

Grocery shopped. Got myself flowers (cornflowers, purple iris, and yellow daisies).

Along the way to the store, going up Cortland to the top of the hill, all the little yards with plants are in full spring mode now, with the flowers blooming and incredibly variety. forsythias, little purple lantanas, salvia, still some oxalis and wild garlic, things that look like tiny sage-colored fuzzy leaved morning glories with light purple flowers, irises, really good bright deep red things that look like mini-iris that I couldn't identify...

I have a few more hours of good work left in me, am going to go till 3pm and then stop early, and get my prescriptions.

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Hurty

2013-04-25T23:25:27Z

Cannot manage to do anything. Right around noon I lost it and started taking painkillers and now I have taken 2. Pecking at work things. So exhausted and impatient and melancholy. I hate having to basically just write off a day. Also, I was so happy to use my hands for things like scissors and chopping food and doing bits of gardening (as well as, say, shaking hands with people) Now they are horrible again. Maybe from swimming on Tuesday and holding onto the kickboard (instead of arm floaties) that is my theory. Whatever it was, it fucking hurts.

Knees too. I also blame the colder weather today.

Must try to be extra kick ass tomorrow, or on weekend.

my task list (RTM) is really good, and i mostly keep up with it, and today is just the 2nd "postpone" day where not all the things get done.

Listless. Feel like refusing all projects. Grrrr.

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Realizations

2013-04-15T00:18:04Z

Woke up to a call from my old bank's visa card billing. I thought the amount due was the total on the card and had thought of it as a leftover card I barely use anymore. Hahahahah. No. I panicked a bit. Turns out it has some travel stuff on it, and some horrible MRI medical bills, and the $2000 scooter I bought last fall and immediately returned, which they never credited me for.

Spent the day figuring out and turning in all my work travel and conference registration paperwork so I can get reiumbursed. Left a message for the scooter people. They better refund my money omg. I will also get a fairly minor tax refund. That all adds up to about 4K. So actually I am in okay shape. Though I also still sort of owe zond7 2 months rent from last fall. I would like to be saving money again by September at the latest, this year.

I also thought a bunch about everything from the last year.

I went through a catastrophic change in physical ability and spent a year on leave. That was painful and terrifying. I am still slowly coming out of that. But I adapted fast, and I coped okay.

Zond7 and I moved in together, which is awesome in every way.

And we both have new jobs that are super intense, that we like.

That is a lot of stuff!!!

That's all! Maybe I can only see it clearly now that things are calming down a bit. Feels like I'm reeling from all of it.

We did the other half of the stuff to stay in the garage. It is all out of cardboard boxes (moldy, boooooo) and into plastic bins. There is a huge pile of stuff for donation and trash hauling. Yesterday I put together a 2nd park bench for our little yard... it's really nice out there now. Such a relief to have more energy, to be able to do way more stuff, walk around.... I over did it this weekend but my body will be okay.

The kids have been playing minecraft on Moomin's server that I got him for his birthday. his friends skype him and his cousins also get on. It is awesome. Last night it was at least 2 of his cousins, A. and her friend yatima's older daughter, and a couple of moomin's friends, all on skype building a statue and temple to Herobrine, who is a sort of Minecraft folk legend. Anyway, it is lovely to hear (and watch) them all talking together at once, coordinating what they're doing, learning to structure their projects, persuading each other to work on the same thing and how to do it, and then taking breaks to run around in various arenas shooting at stuff or each other with particular rules. It's just great! I try to make them get out of their pajamas and go out side a little bit, but really don't mind if they are online all day doing this. They are making cool stuff and learning a lot! (A bit of daylight and some chores... and remember to eat... that is all I ask.)

In the evenings we have been reading Rumo by Walter Moers which I predicted would be the book of the series that would specially appeal to Ada because the Wolpertings are so fierce and cool. (While Moomin's particular one is obviously City of Dreaming Books.) Zond7 reads so beautifully. His Smyke voice amazes me, it is so perfect for the character. And his comedic and dramatic timing is great too. Just that he's doing it on the fly... how can anyone!! I can't wait till Rumo gets to the Wolperting city. A. will freak out with happiness!

She did go out today to run up to the slides on the hill with her friend from down the street. Moomin stayed here, did his homework, and made all the dragons out of the klutz paper flying dragon book.

I am DJ-ing from spotify, using airfoil and my airport express to stream it wirelessly to the speakers in the living room.

We are cooking beef stew in the crockpot. it took 5 minutes for us to make & it smells amazing.

Soon.... doctor who. life is good!

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i drove my car!

2013-04-13T02:35:41Z

That was exciting. Last fall I couldn't do it, ankles just would not have been strong enough. I drove 1 mile up the hill and to do a very boring but satisfying errand. I could not brake with my right foot but my left foot did ok and felt stronger. But, by the time I got there my legs were all noodly feeling.

I had never been in the Lowe's before. I had the manual chair in the car but the store had electric scooters (slow and horrible and beepy, but I appreciated it...) Got 10 giant plastic bins for the stuff in the garage. The cashier brought all the bins and 2 big bags of potting soil out for me & loaded them in the car.

Home & felt even more noodley and shaky. So, I see which muscles need help in my legs, but am not sure what to do for the ankles and knees other than just try more water exercise and hope they strengthen up.

The other day I thought about trying to walk to the corner, but I chickened out. I think I can do it but worry it will screw up my knees if I try it too soon.

It felt strange to be going so fast (20 mph hahahh) and not to be in the open air like on the scooter.

I'm not quite ready to be driving yet but it was nice to try.

Thanks to my friend Z.'s efforts the car is back in commission and I am sharing it with him and yarnivore also kind of wishing I had made some effort to fix it and let people use it before now. Seems like such a waste of a resource that it sat in the garage for a whole year.

had another decent work day, though after the car trip did not get a ton of things done. nearly my whole list for the day.

I then got caught up looking at the anon opjustice4rehtaeh and then read the fb profiles of every kid who has a public FB page and goes to that high school. There were only a couple of hundred. Found one of the kids who is likely one of the rapists. He must be the dumbest one, to post on his fb about how he made a mistake and hopes to be a better person now. I screen capped all of it. two of the kids out of a couple of hundred with FB pages .... only 2.... posted on rehtaeh's mom's post (from the humane society) to say anything to commemorate her life and death or offer condolences. I'm sure many of them are privately, but it was a bit sad. Anyway, I had this just sick fascination staring at the photos of this guy who says he made a mistake. I had a moment wondering if I would put out a link to his profile but then no. He is going down, and it will all come out over the next couple of days, obviously. I felt solemn and grim staring at his page.

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Bent Twig

2013-04-07T01:30:32Z

Came to the bit in The Bent Twig where the two sisters along with most of their schoolmates realize two of their fascinating, talented, beautiful, popular new classmates Camilla and Ceclie are mixed race. The younger protagonist Judith never liked the popular sisters but her older sister Sylvia loves them. Judith freaks out in the middle of the street and screams at the horrible racist children taunting Camilla. Sylvia has a moral crisis standing there wondering if she has the nerve to stand by her friends and go against conformity and the crowd but is shamed into it by her sister's behavior. Sylvia and Judith go home crying to tell their parents what happened. Their dad the professor tries to explain racism in the U.S. (badly). The kids leave and the parents have this conversation:

After the children had gone out, his wife, who had preserved an unbroken silence, remarked dryly, "So that's the stone we give them when they ask for bread."

Professor Marshall made no attempt to defend himself. "My dim generalities are pretty poor provender for honest children's minds, I admit," he said humbly, "but what else have we to give them that isn't directly contradicted by our lives? There's no use telling children something that they never see put into practice."

"It's not impossible, I suppose, to change our lives," suggested his wife uncompromisingly.

Professor Marshall drew a great breath of disheartenment. "As long as I can live without thinking of that element in American life--it's all right. But when anything brings it home--like this today--I feel that the mean compromise we all make must be a disintegrating moral force in the national character. I feel like gathering up all of you, and going away--away from the intolerable question--to Europe--and earning the family living by giving English lessons!"

Mrs. Marshall cried out, "It makes _me_ feel like going out right here in La Chance with a bomb in one hand and a rifle in the other!"

Must say I enjoyed that Mrs. Marshall got that line about the bomb and the rifle.

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Junk in everyone's trunk

2013-04-06T21:00:50Z

Threw enormous amount of STUFF out of the kids' room. Moomin and I took everything out of the bookshelves in there, and then I told him to put back only the stuff he wanted to be there and make it the way he wanted it (leaving one shelf for A.) Thus all the strange children's classics I have accumulated for their sakes for many years have left the room and are replaced by:

* top shelf - big comic book compilations and role playing game books
* 2nd shelf - mythology and a few good books for A., her writing and drawing notebooks, and blank space
* 3rd shelf - short comic book compilations
* 4th shelf - novels

With the very top being giant boxed games. A. has an empty cubbyhole now, a half-empty one, and half an empty drawer. I have 3 shoeboxes of crap still to sort out that are mostly trash or playmobil set bits. Moomin removed everything from his drawer under the bed (giant star wars and atlantis lego kits), swept the drawer out (!!!!!) carefully arranging them in orderly rows with the minifigs in a tray. He likes it so much better having the books sorted and in order by subject and size. I know that he is by nature more suited to a monkish room with only a few nice things (as long as it is also lined with alphabetized books) than the clutter he lives in. We taped some things up on the walls as we came across cool musuem postcards, photos, and comic book ad cards.

I think that is what happens to my energy level when i take a whole tramadol.

Last night we arranged our Magic cards. I still gloat over mine and can't have too many... ever. Love them so much! I worked on re-assembling my bats, rats, and amputation deck (card loss damage, pestilence, rats, and vampire bats) which now has "Wild and Free" kitten card sleeves and is in a nyan cat box labeled "Death Kitten". (I also have rainbow unicorn card sleeves. Contemplating.) I can't remember what the hell was in my goblin deck to make it so quick and effective. whatever it is now SUCKS. Moomin worked on his blue/red dragon deck. His other cards are now neatly alphabetized. I'm not sure which ones are in the binder and which are in decks and which are "extra". We need DAYS more to go through our cards and the legos which are just in a big bin all together but would be pretty nice to have in separate clear bins.

They also have SO many shelves of "treasures" which are you know, trinkets and shiny things and fossils and clay animals and souvenirs. These get used often in scenarios on the floor with the blocks etc.

Going to the cafe now for lunch.

We have SO many of those little 1 dollar dover art/sticker books. I thought i threw them all out years ago but they continue to accumulate. Along with many, many, many other art/craft/science/kit things that people give the kids for every holiday that they never do. This is so odd. I may keep the awesome coloring books for myself (the big ones like space exploration, snakes, etc) because I love coloring books.

Speaking of - I am going to do the hackerspace coloring book - i've decided. (Editing it, and asking for contributions from all the other hackerspaces around the world. It will be cc-by licensed .)

And will be editing the fall issue of cascadia subduction zone which will be on women and games/gaming. So I need to get those 2 editing projects together and announce them coherently.

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Elfquest!

2013-04-04T04:20:01Z

Reading all the Elfquest issues in the house with Moomin, who is back from Korea and very jet lagged!

My back is painful but I was better enough today to really work. I re-organized my to-do list stuff into RTM where I realized I have had an account since 2005. Got some things done and thought through how I want to implement some work stuff. I grocery shopped and made some chicken and corn and potatoes and mostly washed up. So that's not bad for activity.

My friend Z. cleaned out my car and we took it out of the garage. It is parked on the street. There is street cleaning every 2 weeks. He has the other garage door opener so that he can park his scooter inside the garage and borrow the car. I was excited just to be able to drive it out of the garage and park it. If my sacroiliac stuff improves I will try a cautious jaunt to a car wash place. Not sure how I feel about the car. I abandoned the idea I would be able to drive again but maybe it's possible. I can't quite imagine it. But, I can't really use it unless I'm going somewhere extremely close to parking because my hands aren't good enough to wheel very well in the manual chair and I wouldn't be able to lift the scooter in and out of the car.

Hoping tomorrow can be a Day Without Painkillers. I would also like to go into the office for half a day (with moomin)

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Barely posting, in and out of the pain mines

2013-04-02T00:36:45Z

Not sure why I'm so lackluster about writing and posting.

The trip to toronto went ok, the last day I was in bad pain again but dealt with it ok, bounced back, then totally overdid things on Saturday at the NB fundraiser/anniversary party. Which was awesome. it was so very very lovely!!!!!!!! I talked with hundreds of people and greeted them and told them stuff about NB. we pulled in a LOT of money.

Today I woke up with bad sacroiliac pain on the right side. It has been twinging on both sides back and forth. but today it was back in full force. I just feel pole-axed. It is hard to concentrate and do anything. I read a bunch of stuff on the internet and tried to poke at things and went to my monday morning meetings.

I actually forgot how bad the pain was. It sucks. It's so draining. I just want to cry today. It makes me kind of respect myself more. (I mean, past me from when it was like this and worse.) How did I do anything at all? And no wonder I didn't do much. Cut myself some slack!!!! Damn.

My next sacroiliac injection is next week.

Tomorrow I am gonna teach soldering to a bunch of kids kind of early in the morning. and I hope people are going to come help. and i hope it is not cold and raining. My plan is to rope in anyone who is around to make them to all the setup. But if not I will mobilize the most step-forward kids of the bunch and explain to them what to do for setup and I must not bend over things and try to walk around. Then afterwards if i feel horrible I will take the rest of the day off from work.

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Side note

2013-03-24T00:38:57Z

Oh also I stopped taking methotrexate and in celebration of being methotrexate-free for 2 weeks, went out last night with zond7 and had a very strong fancy drink at rock bar. Something with lime and rum and maybe ginger and then half of something else with ginger and bourbon and a german kind of bitters. I was extremely tipsy on a cocktail and a half. We had lovely food from the restaurant across the way (which seems to be the thing to do in that bar.) Then wandered home and fell asleep I think by 10pm. At least I did. It was glorious.

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Flowers and tamales and stripey hair

2013-03-24T00:35:34Z

I have felt SO much better the last two weeks, it's bizarre. I am sitting up way more, walkkng more, have way more energy. The Enbrel is definitely doing something and the new, lovely, awesome Tramadol is too. I have been swimming a few times!

Today I went to get plants from Flowercraft on the other side of the hill, the Yatima crew picked me up on t he way there and patiently waited for me to pick out a ton of plants & pack their car full of bags of dirt and flowers including my very favorite kind of begonia that I used to have back at the co-op but haven't been able to find for years. (long dark serrated leaves, with silvery spots, tough as hell and easy to root cuttings from.) We got pastries and tamales (well, they went and got them while I entertained the children) and sat in the sun in the back yard having tea, planting things, digging up the dirt in the newly exposed side yard that girlfriday cleared for me before Moomin's birthday party and my parents' visit.

Somehow this turned into K. also coming over (she lives a block away) and yarnivore too, and Zach who is going to fix up my car battery with his smart charger and drive me about sometimes until (hopefully) i can drive again.

I ended up bleaching stripes into the hair of both yatima's girls and K.'s daughter and K. as well, and they all picked colors. The kids helped bleach my roots and painted it with a Magic Potion that was all the shades of blue and purple and pink mixed up with a bit of fluorescing blue shimmer dotted on top. When I rinsed it out it looked about the same as it always does. Their stripes are spectacular!! I hope jgsf takes some photos. Julia's first comment in the mirror at her pink and purple stripes: "It's not subtle." Yatima Jr. got VERY into mining the giant block of compacted mulch with a hammer and screwdriver, minecraft style. She mined that thing for over an hour. Then she took all my tiny jam jars that I compulsively save and planted seeds in each one mixed up so that they will all be surprises, and explained to me how to plant things properly (while always doing it slightly wrong). We sat back on the porch and contemplated & then she had theories about how they should all be arranged properly to look the nicest and we had conversation about our aesthetics. She is clearly DYING TO HAVE HER OWN TINY HOUSE someday. I could see it. She needs to read the (somewhat vomitose but very satisfying) book "Mandy".... stat.

Zond7 noted that I bleached and dyed everyone's hair without asking permission as if it were totally normal. He is not quite correct and I did check in a perfunctory way. But if he likes to think that I didn't, he can go on thinking it!

We did not dye, or plant, or water, the cat.

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Dirty fingernails

2013-03-08T06:32:24Z

Internets! Why do people in British novels always notice whether other people's fingernails are clean or dirty? Do British people really think about other people's fingernails all the time?

I get that it is somehow connected to class and manual labor, or a notion of being brought up correctly or perhaps inherent teflon qualities of the super-rich or well-bred, but my own fingernails are dirty about 20 times a day and I'm not cobbling shoes or digging ditches. Don't they have better things to think about?

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A bit better in the vertebral regions

2013-03-07T03:56:58Z

Feeling a lot better today. Went to the doctor. He was very awesome as usual and cussed out some rheumatologists. I have some referrals for spine xrays and to the a.s. clinic and some different pain meds to try temporarily. Okay!

Had a nap and then worked super hard. I need more sleep. I hope I'm in less pain this weekend when the kids are here.

Read the 4th Mary Louise book and it was AMAZINGLY AWFUL and fabulous at the same time. It is set in 1918 and all the girls including our favorite plucky intelligent girl in the wheeled chair and the ace detective Josie with her pearl-handled pistol... have become LIBERTY GIRLS.... most of them in silk red white and blue costumes and all of them horrible little warmongering thoughtcrime-accusing fascists. Has to be read to be believed.

Bathtime, tramadol, planning on watching 2nd half of les miserables if my neck can take it, and SLEEP.

Worried I will become opiate addict and have some sort of horrible personality change. Paradoxically, also kind of wish I had oxycontin. Never want to feel like i felt the other day again!

Sorry I have not been chatty online, have either been in pain or working super hard or both.

Thanks yatima and hazelbroom and yarnivore for coming over to keep me company. It was very consoling and kept me going.

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The Bad Hotel

2013-03-05T17:58:53Z

Dreamed my hotel room was reconfigured so as to be part of a sudden conference. Beyond a circle of people in chairs I could see some CAT-scan and other hospital machinery they were discussing and then my bed (with all my familiar stuff and a lovely nest of soft blankets, books and zines) There was no way to get through the conference talk or close up my room.

People kept stopping me to talk because they recognized me from other conferences and I had to have polite conversation.

My wheelchair was trapped somewhere else so I was hobbling painfully on 2 canes.

There was a big spread of conference food and beautiful cakes and desserts but the crush of drunk, out of control people kept pushing between me and the food. Finally I got to the food table, but most of it was gone or all smeary. There were no dishes or forks.

I found an industrial dishwasher in a cabinet and got some people to help me fill it up, keeping back one plate for myself which I figured I would just wipe off, I'm not fussy. To start the dishwasher, I pulled down a big metal thing which was on an wall length metal panel. The panel was so corroded that it split into three huge sheets, which fell painfully on top of me. I was trapped for a while under the jaggedy edged rusty slabs of metal. After I got free and went for help, some hotel people came and spirited away all the evidence.

SO GLAD IT WAS JUST A DREAM.

Reality report:

I cant move my neck or upper third, i guess, of my spine and it feels extremely painful and scary, it hurts to sit up or walk, I am having trouble turning over in bed (but can do it obviously) or getting up. Could not put my socks on at first, then figured out a way.

It is better this morning than it was last night. zond7 is going to be at work all day. I don't think i can make it into the office at all with out help and it is unreasonable of me to try to go even with help. So I will rest and then nap and try to do my work stuff in the afternoon and evening. zond7 is going to go with me to the doctor tomorrow.

If anyone has a warm buttondown sweater or warm thing without a collar I kind of need something like that. I cant put on a shirt over my head. So i am in button down shirts with the heat up, but the collars hurt my neck when i'm lying on my back.

I am home alone - would welcome visitors to just hang out a bit and do their thing - for the company and to not feel alone, because I get a bit unnerved when things are this nasty and my movement this limited.

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Remember Tonypandy!

2013-03-03T18:56:09Z

I enjoyed Josephine Tey's Daughter of Time except that I completely disagree with her and her detective that Tonypandy is a great example of misunderstanding of history. How obnoxious of her!

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dreamworld morning

2013-03-03T00:33:53Z

Woke up early whimpering with pain and had difficulty getting up. Vaguely remember begging D. for pastry and coffee. I slowly thrashed around in bed and drifted in and out of sleep for hours. By 11am I felt okay and was hobbling around the house. Read several Josephine Tey novels (in the last few days - only one this morning) The thing wrong and stuck in my back is still giving me terrible trouble.

Then Moomin and I went out to 24th street; got A. excellent presents (snake bracelet for upper arm, Redwall graphic novel) Had lunch at the st. francis diner, walked down one of the mural alleys, and went to the rec swim hour at Garfield. The pool was decently warm and half was roped off for kids. I stayed in the other half. Took codeine and tylenol since just taking off my shirt had been kind of an ordeal. NOT FUN. But the pool was fun. I loosened up. Moomin dove for rings and splashed around securely goggled up and thus invulnerable. Lots of kids there knew me because they are in A.'s class at J-Serra. I did a lot of careful deep breathing while floating on my back and trying to straighten my back all the way. I am afraid of getting stuck hunched over.

On the way back we looked in the windows of all the shops on the other side of 24th and then grocery shopped in one of the guadalupe markets & got sodas in the fizzary.

Took umpty-zillion photos of Moomin reading in various locations. Thought (not for first or last time) of my translation of J. de Ibar's very sentimental prose poem (section 4)

horrible bus driver shut the door in my face when M. was already on the bus. I started yelling and kind of shaking my fist. Yeah that'll help. But after a long moment and a staring contest (I believe I may have curled my lip in regal disdain) he opened up. omfg I wanted to tell him off. But i did not. I was covered in pool things and grocery bags and had an open soda in my lap and just wanted to go my 8 blocks up the hill and get off again with minimal fuss. Moomin was pretty mad at the driver and told me he would have known where to get off again and knew I would just come on the next bus (sensible!) But that he had planned what to say to the driver as he exited. (Um, did you NOTICE that you SHUT THE DOOR IN MY MOM'S FACE?)

I am trembling with exhaustion but yatima has invited me to the imperial spa and will drive us. So am going to try to nap for an hour then go out and lie in whatever steam room they ahve there. I know this is not entirely wise. But it sounds so nice. I will regret it when it takes me 5 hours instead of 3 to stop whimpering tomorrow morning.

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Site reactions

2013-02-26T06:41:08Z

Didn't have any site reaction from Enbrel the first month but now I'm having one.

"Injection site reactions such as redness, rash, swelling, itching, or bruising may occur. These symptoms usually go away within 3 to 5 days. "

Okay then! Just like allergy shots. I used to get giant lumps in each arm after allergy shots. Burning hot, itchy golf ball sized lumps.

I hope this ends up really helping

Re-read Saffy's Angel (SO good) and some random dragony kids books from the library. The prequel to Mysterious Benedict Society was very good.

Work was fine today. As usual I don't feel like I get enough done in a day. One thing I need to do is stop sooner, and synthesize whatever it is I've learned and done, and wrap things up neatly -- checking to make sure I've hit most of the things I needed to. New things come up. The stuff I meant to do slips away. I had planned for that as a new work habit, but have never managed to do it. IN the morning I set things out well for the day. But I need end of day re-organization.

Tomorrow maybe I can leave the house? I would like to swim.

The plan for Wed. is for hazelbroom to pick me up around 8:30, take me to her neighborhood, I will check the pool schedule and be prepared to swim and have some coffee while working, and then meet up at her house for a Fabulous Massage. That seems ridiculously ambitious. Hoping that it will look more possible when I wake up.

My curry chicken squash came out nice. Made without butter or onions or garlic, or frying. So it is more like stew than curry-sauce. It has a sweet potato in there too. So when you bite an orange thing, you can't tell whether it will be squash or sweet potato.

Curiously emotionless flatness at bedtime... exhausted.

It was a good day.

I miss the kids.

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