badgerbag: (Default)
badgerbag ([personal profile] badgerbag) wrote2012-04-11 11:59 pm

chaos and ice cream

total chaos today as i cleaned up in the morning (more) and then my sister came over with mr.pants. We went to the cafe... .running into the tail end of what might have been bad moms coffee. just a word to say how much I love and adore the 2 sisters who run that cafe. <3 <3 <3 and all the lovely people who work there who have fed me for the last 10 years. I love that place! They're so nurturing and it is hard work that they do so well.

we sorted through almost all the bins of things in moomin's room. boxes to the hackerspace... to donate & to give to mr. pants who is nearly 5. He liked the spiderman suit! There are 3 bins of animals and dinosaurs which i am asking Moomin to go through and weed.

Many bags of trash were removed as well!

Then the cleaning co-op people came and dug in. At the same moment we got back with Moomin from his school and Squid showed up with her 3 kids in tow so it was complete chaos. I think Mali liked the gold dress. hope so! We took her and Iz to ice cream and the amazing action figures and hot wheels store across the street from it. it was LIVELY. at the ice cream place they filled up the GIANT balloon that is the air swimmer remote controlled shark blimp. So you must now picture me scootering home in Blue Steel, the scooter, with a giant shark floating over my head....

then we laid in bed all a bit stunned while cleaning continued to happen and the house became oddly sparkly. I am still glad I dusted and swept as much as I did and scrubbed the bathroom and counters in the kitchen or i would have died of embarrassment. 3 women worked their asses off for 3 hours and there really is still plenty that could be done. but it is much much better.

hotspur the cat likes his electric heating pad cat bed very much. he has barely left it all day. he still wants to sit on me but it is not so insistent.

Emotionally I am very weird and tired and burned out and not feeling myself. Not like "nervous breakdown" level of weird but very much that I want to curl up in a ball and withdraw. So that is what I am doing. I'm fine... Sort of. ON some level I feel like a total mess and I don't know how to feel better. Ankles freaking me out, etc. I thought about guilt and love and trying to make nice environments. I am having a good time with Moomin on another level while I am not either freaking out or suppressing being freaked out. We read through the Entmoot today in Two Towers. He likes the shark... and he liked having my sister and nephew visit... he did his homework diligently and studied... So nicely. We petted the cat in his cat bed just constantly....He says hilarious things a lot and is making more double entendres and slightly off color jokes. I can feel it when we both just need to stop interacting and go off and read. Like all of my family... he is just the same. and it's so companionable and nice!

Sleep now.... so lonely and homesick and hurty.

i'm lucky to have such good friends, and family... Also i rely on everyone who comments and IMs me, which is very comforting to know I am not actually alone. which i'm not... but I feel it. Not making any sense! I appreciate everyone though! Feeling this way it is hard (but possible) to make things nice for Moomin and not suck as a parent. if you know what i mean. but i'm doing it.

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